I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
