I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
