Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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