u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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