Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
