Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
