Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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