Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
