she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
