Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
