I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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