i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
