Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
