The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
