You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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