Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
and she was petting her beer can
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
