Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
