somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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