and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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