false alarm. still invincible.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I came so hard my ears popped.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
