so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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