I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
How does it feel to date your dad?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
