I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
