So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
