i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
