I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
