There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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