I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
there's paper in my vomit.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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