Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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