shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
