Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
