I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
