That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
