Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
