Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
