So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
