We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Also, beer. Big fan.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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