If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dignity is for republicans.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
