the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
