What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
