I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Even my vagina gasped.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Of course I have a pirate flag
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
