Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
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the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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