you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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