i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
