watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
