She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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