I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
