Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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