My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
