4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
