I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
