She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
