Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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