you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
