when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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