He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
