dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
