Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
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walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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