I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
