it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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