I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
