i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
