i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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