Christians are straight up FREAKS
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
