he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
